(To read Chapter II Stalker either click on the archive on sidebar or scroll to bottom of page and click 'older')
About the Book: In the in between are the Nameless; names are for masters and they have none. They live in the Nameless real; between being saved and being destroyed. They are the Fallen.
One Nameless spends his time watching humans in New York City and, in his endless eternity of boredom, becomes intrigued by a drunk named Aurick Pantera. One day Aurick, a reckless gambler, is about to be killed by a gang over his debts. Nameless feels sorry for him, and possesses his body to save his life. He then decides that he rather likes being in a human body; the chance to taste, smells, and touch. He uses Aurick’s body to fulfill all of his wildest dreams – become a rock star, have a successful psychiatric practice, and pursue star journalist Helena Way.
Until, three years after possessing Aurick, the other Fallen take notice of these random achievements and begin appearing to Aurick. They are tired of waiting in Nameless and are ready to start a war—their only chance to cease this painful eternity of waiting and either be saved or be released. Aurick is stuck in the middle. Join the ranks and finally be released to Null for atrocities against mankind, or can his love for Helena, his budding friendships, and his growing concern for all humans grant him salvation?
About the Author:
Kyle Chais' debut novel is being released January 10th, 2012 by Simon & Schuster/Gallery Books/Karen Hunter Publishing. Chais is a Brooklyn based author who wrote Nameless at the age of 16, now at the age of 20 he anxiously awaits the release of his first novel Nameless.
--------------------- (AND DON'T FORGET TO COMMENT) --------------------
Nameless
by,
Kyle Chais
Chapter I:
HOSTOF THEMILLENNIA
Iamnameless.Namesare for thosewithmasters.Therefore, we have no name.The day ofthe demoniscomingto an end. We awaitourpendingexecution.Manyof us look forwardto this imminentjudgment.Otherspathetically cowerintheir deservingof death.I havewandered the earthfor millennia tryingto find awayout.Irealizenow thatitishopeless.Itcan bequiteboringwhen you'reimmortaland waitingatthe same time.So Iwatchhumans. Fromthe Namelessrealm Iwatch, analyzingtheir behaviors,motives,climaxes,recessions,and, most important,theirpowerofchoice.
Fromthe beginningof man, I havewitnessedthe blackest crimestheyhavecommitted.Witnessedthecropsofthe earth wateredwithblackbloodspilledby men, women,andchildren all overthe world.But one thingstill tormentsme and my kind.It's the one simplethingthatgripsus in the backofour throats and won'tletgo. The one thingthathas turnedthe most civilizedonesamongusintovengeful,raginglunaticmonsters. Thatno matterhow muchwe beg, no matterhow muchtime weare given,nomatterhow muchwe pray,wewill die, but hu mans...will remain.Irony'sjudgmentis...ticklish.
Angelsweregivenaperfectstart,aperfectbody,mind,and world with no problems.We were given thecapabilitiesto serveour Father perfectlywithoutfault.This was ourgreat ability. Humans once had this ability but it was lost. Their ancestorparentstraded it for a fruitand a snake.As for us angels, we tradedit for our own fruits and snakes.We were at the pinnacleof perfectionwhen we turnedour backs onFather.Adam and Eve's offspring weren't.They were slaves to theirselves.Thoughts...were my downfallThoughts.Damn that woman.
Youare probablypondering,"Whatdodemonsdowith their sparetime?"
Well, first, don't ever use that term (demonwith us. It's extremelyderogatory.Weprefertobecalled Fallen.And Ican'tspeakfor my brethren,but I spend most ofmy time countingstars. It may be tedious,but it passes the time nicely.Ienjoy takinglong strollsthroughthe park.Ilikegoing oncarnivalrides. Ilikegoing tooperas.Ilikewatchingballets. I also enjoy watchingmovies at theaters.Thatwas one greatadditiontomankind-althoughIfeelthat thequalityofmovies isgoing down the toilet with these newspecial effects. Ihaven't seen a film that was truly originalin years.The better the special effects,theworsethe qualityofthe movie. How ironic. Yummy steak sauce with nosteak.
This eveningwas particularlyboring.Iwish Icould passthe time by sleeping,but beings such as me don't.Humansdon't understandhow valuablesleep is.They can killeight hoursor sojust byshuttingtheir skinnylittle eyelids and being still. So insteadI decided towatchTheWizard Of Ozon Broadway.This wouldbemy203rd time seeing it.I've memorizedevery single line from beginningtoend. This isthe only play Inever grow tired of'.Like Dorothy,I've searchedthe cornersofa fantasy worldtryingget back home. Withperseveranceshe made it back. How beautiful.How lovely.Suchagood exampletolive by.What acrock ofcrap.
I'llnever make ithome. Iamstillhere. Inthis fantasyworld.
Dreamsreally don'tcome true.For my kind. Funny.With all our power, that'sonethingwecan't do.
After drifting throughthe cityslums ofManhattan,ahuman malestumbledthroughanalleyway.Hewasdrunk,sodrunkhe had to lean on walls to walk. He was lookingso bad that even the harlotsdidn'twanttoget near him.
I watched,andI couldseehewasheadedforabar.I hadactuallybeenstudyingthishumanforafewmonths.Hisname isAurickPantera.Heisoneofthelowlifesofsociety;Aurickisalways indebt,gamblinghischecksaway,lying, cheating,andstealing. Themoney thatwasleftwasspentonwomenandbooze.
Itused tobeworse.Before hewas on meds, Aurickhad bad hallucinations,imagininghimself tobeotherpeople,some who didn'teven exist. Poor patheticcreature. Lately, Aurick had been hitwith acertain...troublingissue.
This problemisthe most fearedissue intheworld.Anexcruci ating evil.One ofthe biggest manslayersofthis planet.Cancer. Not only that but it'sone ofcancer'smostsinistervillains, pan creaticcancer.Thesilent killer.Onlyabout5percentdiagnosed surviveafter threetofiveyears.Whatatrue villain indeed.You only have achanceofsurvivingthis murdererifyou treatitas early asitdevoursyourflesh, bones,and soul. Foolishly,Aurick was too scaredto follow throughwith more tests and treat ment. Hehasthesense that ifheignoresit,it'llgoaway. And if itdoesn'tgoaway, hewillbetoo busy enjoyinghislifetocare. Buryyourskull inthedirt.
That'sright, Aurick,liveon tothe bitterend. He was doing the right thing.Peopleshouldnotstruggle againsttheir demise. They should not thinkofthe pain. They shouldjust liedown and be at peaceas I have. Itis what has been keeping me separatefrom theothers.Mysanityismyreward.
I followed him into DeadMan'sPub.It's a bar where all the dregsofthe citygotoescapetheirproblemsand morals. It even hasthesaying"WhathappensinDead Man'sPub stays in Dead Man'sPub."Original,eh?
Aurickclimbed upthestairwelland knockedontheback exit of thebar.
The doormanansweredandsaid inagruffvoice,"You can't enterthisway.Go throughthe front."
"It'sokay,"Auricksaid,flippingup the collaron his black jacket and combing back his soaked jet-blackhair with his nrngers." It’s me, Ben."
Theguard openedthe door and allowedhim in. The bar wascrowdedwithdrunkenthugsandgoons.Thelightswere dim,whichmadethe ugliestindividuallook attractive.Oneof my abilitiesas aspirit creatureallowsme to see germsclearly as brightgreenglobs.Humansare coveredin them,disgusting swinethattheyare-dancingand bumpingintoeachother, touchingand spreadingimpuritiestoeachother. I watchedthemeat the greenthatcovered theirsaltedpeanutsandChexMix.
Thetoxicodorofalcoholwasimmense.The packedbar hadan almostoverwhelminglyputridstenchofliquorand tobacco smoke.Tensionhoveredinthe air.
Yet I was safe since I reside in the spirit realm.Spiritcreaturessuchas me dwellinthe Namelessrealm,whichis a separatedimensionintertwinedwithhumans'materialrealm.
Namelessisintangibletobeingsofthe materialrealm.Onlycertain creatures,suchassomecats,snakes,weasels,skunks,owls, anddogscan sensethoseofNameless.Inotherwords,Ican see beingsfromthematerialrealmbut theycan'tseeoraffectme.
Auricksat downat a barstooland orderedhis drinks.Hedoveintohis liquorand spoketo thefemalebartenderabout thingsthe bartenderdidn'tcareabout.Anytimea new female sat downatthebar,
Aurickwouldstumbleoverto her andtry to pick her up. His sourbreath,slurredspeech,andbloodshot, disorientedeyeswereenoughto makeany femaleflee.
It wasfunnyhowhe startedout tryingto courtthe most attractive femalesat the beginningof the night,onlyto wind up goingafterthe mostunattractive by the end.Itwas like goingdownfromten to one.Well,I guessthe moreyou drink, the more attractive people appear. He whispered something atrocious into one blonde female's ear, which offened her so much that she slapped him across his face an treaded heavily away. He finally fave up and went back to his drinking.
The bartenderasked him to stop drinking,but Aurick just got upset and startedadrunkenrant.Downingone drinkafter the next, hefinallyfellasleep(orpassed out) atthe bar.Agroup of four thugsapproached him and tappedhis shoulderwith great force. Aurickdidn'twakeup, so a tall, brutish-looking white manwitha ginger-coloredbeard picked upadrinkand splasheditover Aurick' head anddownhisshirt.
"Cut the crap, Dwayne!"said theone with theginger beard,usingthefake nameAurick hadgiven him."You've been holdin' outonme.Where'smymoney?"
"Youknow why I'm here. Where'smy money?"Samsonsaid with risingirritation.
"Look,Samson,Idon'thave the moneyright now. I-I needanotherweek togetthecash up."
"You said that four months ago, Dwayne. I've been real patient.Soareyou sayingyou don'thave my money?"
Auricksank downinto thebarstooland stayed quiet.
"That'sit. Get up, Dwayne.. . . I said get up!" Samson grabbedAurick'scollar,lifting himwith ease.
Two ofSamson'sgoonsgrabbedeach of Aurick'sarms andescortedhim to the back exit ofthebar. I followed to watch theentertainment.They steppeddownthe steelsteps ofthe bar outsideinto the alleyway.Auricktumbleddown.Hedrunkenly gotup, revealingabloody cutonhisforehead.
"Look,Samson,I'm sorry,"Aurickwhimpered."I just need sometime."
Samsondelivereda hard,quickblow to Aurick'sstomach. Aurickcollapsedon hiskneesand coughedupspit and mucus. The othergoonscheered.
AsAurickwas on his knees gagging,Samsonkneed him inhisface,flippinghimontohisback.Samson lifted Aurick tohisfeetwith easeand deliveredblowafterblow tohisface,spilling blood fromtheopenwoundon his head. Samsonthen lifted Aurickover his head and threwhim into nearbytrash cansand bags, causingagreatcrashand commotion.Aurickrolled over thedirty, wet garbagebags. Hepleaded,cryingformercy. Samsondidn'twantto hear it.The otherthugskicked Aurick repeatedlyinhissideswhile hewascurledontheground.
I thought maybe these barbarians could give Aurick anescape by ending hismiserablelife, providing him with a shortcut.
"Okay,that'senough,"Samsonsaid to hisgoons."We needto get out of here. Lift him up." His goonsobeyedand lifted Aurick to his feet and stepped away. Aurick seemed to be gaspingforairasifheweredrowning.
"You're..."Aurick stoppedto fillsome more air into hisshakylungs. "You'relettingmego?"His eyeswidenedingreat surprise.
“Yeah, I’m letting you go.”
"Oh,thank you,Samson!"Aurickplacedhisshaking,scraped palmsonSamson'sshoulders.''I'llgetyouthe money tomorrow. I swear."Aurick'svoice soundedasifhe had been locked ina freezerforhoursand wasdesperatelytryingtokeep warm.
Samsonreachedinto hisjacket's innerpocketand pulled outablack object.He lifted the black objectandpointedittoward Aurick's face. The object was an instrument of death. A gun.
"I'm settingyoufree, Dwayne.Thisis the mostmercythat anyonecouldevergiveyou."
"No,please,Samson,don't do it! Please!Oh, God,pleasedon'tkill me!"Aurick eyes squirtedtearsthatfloodedhisface.
"Yeah,do it, Sammy.Take him out for good,"one of thegoonssaid.AnotheradvisedSamsonnot todoit. Samsontold him to shut up. Aurick squeezed his eyes tightand started prayingto God forhelp.What ariot. Aurick'slife wouldend beforethe cancerate him.Howluckyindeed.
IcontemplatedwhetherIshouldhelp Aurick.Atleastithad beenentertainingand helpedme passsomeof my time.This poorman'slifewas pitiful.Thiswouldput him out ofhismisery and give him ashortcutto salvation.And I could just watch anotherhumanfor fun.
Nonetheless,forsomereason,Idecidedtosave Aurick.
Ifwespiritcreaturesare strongenough,we can interactwith the humanrealm.Using myabilitiestoaccuratelyread Samson's muscleexertionin his arm andreadhis bloodpressureto tell whenhewasgoingto pull the trigger,Idivertedthe trajectory ofthe bulletby bendingthe surroundingair.Thebullet grazed Aurick'sarm.Samsonand hisgoonsstoodthereconfused.
Aurickpeekedwithone eye atthe group.
"It was a blank!Shoothim again!"one of the thugssaid. Samsonpointedthe gunagainand Aurickshuthiseyes again. Thegun let off anotherbangbut Ideflectedthe bulletagain, savingAurick'spatheticlifeoncemore.
Samsongazeddownat his hand,his oncemanlyhandhe'd used to tormenthis foes. Heclenchedhis waterfountainof a handand screamed,likeawomangivingbirth. Two of Samson's fingers were blown off, and shards from the gun were sticking through his skin.
"I swear, you'll pay for this, Dwayne," Samson cried, followinghiscrew, holding hishand inpain.
Aurickwiped the tears from hisfaceand ran off,muttering, "Thankyou, God."
Theregoes God takingunderservedcreditagain.Mycredit.I laughedand then followed himdownthe alleywayuntil avoice called tome.
"You'rewalking onthin ice,Jackie-sama."
I lookedaroundtoseewho itwas. Adarkfigure wasstand ingon the rooftopofathree-flooredbuildingnearby. Hewore along, blacktrenchcoat. Thecollar was upreachingearlevel.
"Oh,it'syou,"Isaid. "Didn'tItellyou to stopcallingmeJackie,you nosybarn owl?"
"I have reasons.Whatare you doing here anyway?Don'tyou have betterthingstodo?"
"Nope,just patrollingthroughthis shamelesscity. Levels of violencehave been rising dramatically recently."
"Well, what doyou expect?It'sthe last days. Not only that, butthisisNew York City.The modern-day Babylon."
“You're right. Though much of the violenceiscausedby Fallen.In fact, I haven'tseen so much Fallen influencesince the last War of the Flies. Not only that, but some have been searchingforyou."
"Me?"Ilaughed."Well, I'mflattered."
"Itwasyouroldfaction.Itseems somewantyou back."
"l haven'tspokentothem incenturies. Inever had any time forthem."
The figure smiled."The way Irememberit,you were kickedout," hesaidsmugly.
This was getting much too uncomfortable. I wanted to changethesubject.
"Howare theotherfairies holding up?"Isaid, using awordas derogatoryto him asdemonwas to us. Angels hated to be called fairies.
Thefigure phasedoutofsight. Hewasanoldfriend from thedays before humanexistence.He was still myfriend,occasionally poppingbyto visit me,even thoughhe's one ofthe highrankingmaroon angels.Maroonangels were stationedonearth seven thousandyearsago,ever since the Eden incident,tokeep Fallen fromgoing toofarinharminghumanswith thecommand tostay onearthinthe Namelessrealm until Fatherordersthem toreturnhomewhenHecommences the GreatWar. The Great War toend allwars.
Even for the maroons,living an immortallife in Nameless can betiresome.Some throughtheageshave gone postal, and afewothersAWOL.Some haveeven crossedover and becomeFallen themselves.
Maroonsthat become Fallen have it the worst.They are caughtinbetween-shunnedbytheangels and bullied bythose who have been fallen longer.
As I thoughtaboutmy friend and the life Iused to lead before thefall,Icontinuedinmycurrentlife-watchingAurick. Ifollowed himdraghisway home tohiscruddy,oldapartmentbuilding.Itwas asix-storywalk-up.Well, it wasn'tsupposed to be, but the elevatorneverworked.The walls and the floors were alwaysfilthyand garbage-and glass-strewn.
The floors were stainedwith bloody footprintsof childrenwho played in the hallways. Thewalls were marked by handprints,profanity,fingerprints,and even afewfootprints.
Aurick drunkenly walked up six flights of steps to hisapartment.Hestumbledtohisroom,collapsedon hisbed, and went tosleep.
Ibelieve Iamgoing togoinsanewatchingpeople livetheir lives while I wait for mine toend. I leftand went to sit on top of the roof, lookingover the insectsof Manhattan goingabout their daily lives, unaware of the cataclysm that will one day befall them all. I lay flat onmy back and returned to my routineof countingthe starsof this galaxy. Counting the endlessquantity soothesthe mind. Ithelps organize my thoughts.Thoughtsofhow Iwas going tobear living aboring day like this over and over soakedmy mind. Thoughtsofhow I used tohave apurpose.The days ofpurposewere longgone. Iwonderedifanyonewas watchingme live my lifeas I hadwatched Aurick's.Howwould they think of me? Would they thinkofmeasagreatpersonwho temporarilyfellshortofthe mark, who bravelytook theconsequences?Or wouldthey feel that I'm justafoolwho'sgoing toget whathedeserves?After afewhours,apitter-pattersoundmade memessupmycount.
Iignoreditfor awhile but the soundwouldn'tstop, which annoyedme, so Isat up and lookedaround.The perpetrator was a youngkitten chasingafter pigeons.Itwas small and feeble, brown,with areddish calico.
Itwould only have a few days of lifeleft before it starved to death.But this kittenchasedand chased,never giving up. Itbreathedhard and wouldn'tstop.Ithad a slim chance of survival,yet itwouldn'tliedown and die.Suddenly,heranafter one pigeon atthe edge ofthe roof. Atleast the kittenwillsoon end hislonely pain, Ithoughttomyself.
The pigeon flew off the roof with the kittenleapingafter it. The kitten missed and fellto hisdoomwith aloud screech burstingfrom itstiny lungs.Icaughtitatthe last momentandplaced himback onthe roof.
“I’mgiving you asecondchance,"Isaid tothe kittenasifI were going togetareply. Thiswas becoming ahabit, itseemed. "Nowfight on and live,you patheticlow-life organismthat no-one cares about.Live tonight,but knowthat you will die oneday." The kittenbriefly lookedupat me and ran off. Then,as I resumedmycounting,thecreaturecame back. Itstared,purred,and sat next tome.The fewspeciesthat cansense spiritbeings still have a limited sense ofour presence, but this creature seemedtofullyseeme.Notonlythat,but hewascalm.
"What'sthe matter?Areyou lonely like me? Do you have a heavy burdenas well?"It felt wonderful havingsomething know of myexistence.And Isupposethe kittenFeltthe sameway. I felt in my heart I wantedmore. I wanted someoneto know that Iwasalive. IknewwhatIwantedtodo. “I give thankstoyou, kitty!By the way, 1knowthat you exist, right? Well, everythingthat has been noticed to exist shouldhave aname, right?Obviously,you can'tgiveyourselfa namesoI'llgiveyou one. I'llgiveyou the mostimportantname intheuniverse.I'llnameyou Sephirot."
Igrabbeda pigeon and killed itinstantlywith crushingair pressureand letSephirotfeast onit.
WatchingSephirothght so hard to stay alive reminded me abouthow little fight Aurick had.That kitty had more heart than he did. Aurickwas a loser and ascoundrel.No one will misshimwhenhe'sgone.
Iwent towatchhim. He was dead asleepon hisbed. Sleep. Oh, howwonderfulhissleep mustfeel.Oh,how Imissed those wonderfulnights of rest. Oh, how unfair this isthat such anungratefulman shouldenjoy delightfulslumberwhile amighty beingsuch asIhavetosuffertheconstantawarenessofmyself.
His guardwas down.Iwantedsleep and Iwantedit now. Whataboutthe risks?Iwasn'treally adeptinbody possession, sowhat ifanaccidentoccurred?AndAurickhasthatvile disease inhim.Oh, itwillonlybeforone night,1thought.Andevenifit were tosuddenlytry tokillhim,Iwould bemorethan enoughto restrainit. It would bejustone night ofblissfulslumber.Inthe morning,Iwould leaveAurick'sbodyand lockthedoor. Nothing badwouldhappenfrom justafewhoursofsleep, right?
Isighed.Is this how Iwas going to act for the rest of my life?Indecisivenesswas how Ilandedinthis positioninthe hrst place. Leaningontwoopinionshad gottenmenowhere.To hell with the risks. Iwanted...Ineededtotake action and Ineeded todoitnow.
Then,justasIwasabouttosynchronizewith Aurick'sbody, heabruptlywoke upand went to the bathroom.He fellasleep onthe toilet, whichwas anannoyancebecauseIdidn'twantto fuse with his body insuch an indignantposition.Threehours passed and he was still asleeponthe toilet.I didn'tfeel like waitinguntilthe nextday,soIfused with himanyway.
When I came into consciousness, I could smell the vile alcoholicodor of this body'ssweat andfecal matter.All of my senses -especiallymysense ofsmell-wereforced into immediateaction,and Ibegan togag.
Thingswere not totallyin sync as my spiritbody was still makingthe adjustments.Iwasn'tfullyableto manipulate his bodyyet and had tositonthattoiletinthatstenchforabouttwomorehours.
WhenI developedthe abilityto move well enough,Istood up and slowlywalkedintothebedroom.Ireachedfor the bed but the body'slegs gaveout and Icollapsedto the flooron my stomachwithmypantsand boxershortsdown.
The rest of my sensescaught up and I began to feel the intoxicationstill havingitseffect,whichforcedmetofallasleep rightthereon thefloor, facedown,withmy pantsaroundthe ankles. How indignant.
The next morning,Iawoke.Everymusclein this bodywas achingsomethingterrible.The powerfulSamsonreallydid give this bodyabeating.Ididn'tthinkIwouldbesynchronizedthis well enoughto feelthe pain yet.
I tooka shower to wash the impurities from this body. (Aurickneverdid washfrequently.)Istill wasn'tinfullcontrol ofthe body,soIhad to becarefulnot tofalland breakmy neck.
The showerstungeverycut andbruiseon this body.Aftera few painfulminutes,however,it felt good.Throughendurance comesvirtue. I startedto drinkthe steaming-hotwaterthat was comingfromthe showerhead.Itfelt so ...delightful.Just as my hungerpainsweremanifoldso wasmy senseoftouch. I couldfeeleachand everyone ofthe thousandsofwarm droplets fill everymicroscopicporeon the moistflesh.Ispentanother twohoursin the shower.Itkilled me havingto havetostepout ofsuchan oasis.
Afterward, as I was drying off, Aurick'sstomach organ grippedme. Iguesseditwas becauseI was feelinghunger.
ThereIwas, standingin frontof the bathroommirror.Cuts and bruiseswerealloverthis body. The sideofmy lefteyesocket wasswollenandred. Acut wasrightoverthe browofthe righteyesocket.Itwasn'tbleeding.The handswerebadlyscraped.It hurtwhenIclenchedthem closed.This was myidentity.There Iwas and now Imust leave. Suddenlytherewas agrowl. Was that adog? No. Ilooked down.Itwas Aurick'sstomachorgan. Irememberedthat eatingfood was ...delicious,delightful.Oh, butitwas timetogo.Iwouldn'tfeelhunger anymoreinmyspiritform. Oh, but whatwas that dish I once loved? Was it...tomatoes?Iadoredtomatoes.Perhaps1could staylongerinthisbody thanforjustonenight,toexperiencethe pleasuresoftaste.Oh, but thiswould bedangerous.
Ilooked into the refrigeratorand saw only a bottle of milk and abologna-and-cheesesandwich.The breadhad agreenish color and foulsmell.1was hungrybutthisseemedunappetizing.
Igot dressedin a black suit and decided to go out to get somethingto digest.As Iwas walking downthe stairs,caught up inabsorbingmysurroundingsinthis body, Iwalkedinto a young womanin her early twentiescarryingbags ofgroceries. Ourcollision causedhertodropher groceriesdown thestairs.
"Oh,Ideeplyapologize,miss," Isaid, and startedtoretrieve heritems and put them inoneofher plastic bags.
AsIpicked upacan ofcoffee, Ipaused.Istaredatthe mess and backatthewomanwithamazement.Myamazement turned into excitement,and myexcitementsoon turnedintoglee.
"I knowyour nameis Aurick,"she said with a puzzled expression.'Tveknownyou sinceyoumovedinhere.Here,this will soberyou up."She handedmeacan ofcoffeeand thentold meher namewas Jamie.
"You'vebeen sayingthatfor threemonthsnow. IfIdon'tget myrent,yourassisgoingtobeon the street!" Iignoredhim and continuedwalking.
Iwenttothe vegetablestoreand boughttomatoes.Iwalked throughManhattanfor hours,savoringthesounds,the smells, the people. Iwalkedpast humanafterhuman,watchingthemgototheirmiserableplacesofwork.
I couldsenseflashesof thoughts bubblingto the surface: "Whydo Iput upwithmy boss?""Iwonderhow manycalories I'm burningrightnow walking.""I hopeLatishadoesn'tfind out Icheated.""God, I hate my job!"''I'm going to shoot everyoneatworkwhenIget there."
So muchdespair.So muchemptiness.So tiresome.
I walked across the Brooklyn Bridge and walked back. I worked Aurick's body moreduring thisone day than he probablyhad in threeyears.Icouldn'texerciseasaspirit,and this waswonderfulI wentto the beachto feel the cold, saltywaterseepinto everyporeofmyhumanbody.Iused most ofthe moneyAurick had to purchasedifferenttypesof flowersso I coulddeeply inhaletheirodors.
Ididn'twantto leave the body. Weeksofmy merrymaking continued.Iinhaled an assortmentof wonderful wild odors when Iwalkedthrough the park.SureIwalkedthroughthe park as aspirit, but now I could actuallyexperienceall the soundsand smellsthat myspiritbody could nothavesensedasa humancould.The movieswere farmore enjoyable,and under stood whyhumanswere enthralledbythe newestspecial effects.
Ieven foundaspecialshowingofTheWizard ofOzonthe big screen.I could actuallyconversewith my neighboringmeat bags as we watchedthe screen.Some rudelytold me toquiet down, but I was so merrythat they could actually hear my sounds.Ihappilytold them toshut up and they yelled back. This was fun. TheWizardofOzwas never so wonderful.The wonderfulWizardofOz.
Sadly though, my steam was running out. I foundthat nothingmuch hadchanged.IwassimplyaFallen with ahuman body. Iwas doingthe same thingsI did in my spiritform. I wantedtodosomethingthat the Fallen don'tdo. Iwantedsome direction.I decidedto go to supportgroups.Therewere all kindsofthem.Supportgroupsfordrugaddiction,sexaddiction, gambling addiction,eatingdisorders,anxietydisorders,cancer, HIV,suicideprevention,abusesurvivors,divorce.
I decided to go to a supportgroupfor testicular cancer. Cancercan beunstoppable.Andyoucan'tstop the unstoppable. l could identify.My own fate was sealedin Father'sforehead. Hewas the true unstoppable object, and there was no unmovableforce toshield me.
Iwould have been depressedif I hadn'talreadybeen sick ofbeing depressed.The humiliationand agonyofthe support group membersfilled me with strength, though sometimes we wouldhave to hug one another.One weepyman forced ahug onto me. Ididn'twantto blow mycover, so Icringed and acceptedit. Isoon stoppedgoing(not just becauseofthe hugging).Igrewtired oftheir misery.
Still, I did begin to actually listen to their advice.One suggested that I needed to keep myself busy. Finding my purposein lifewouldkeep my mind off my testicularcancer. Little didtheyknowthat I'd hadapurposeinlife.
Whatcould be agranderpurposethan directlyservingthe Creatorofthe cosmos?Nothing,that'swhat!ThoughI knew itwas pointless,ifwas goingto be humanfor awhile, as IrealizedIhad nointentionofleavingthis body, then perhaps I shouldtake up their advice. Honemy mind. Developacareer and new reputation of sorts. Give Aurick a new direction quicklyand affordably.Ineededacheapeducationat acheap price, atleast for now.